Then I'll Begin!
Oct 09. I am a healthy male aged 35 when whilst at work I was talking to a colleague when something unconsciously told me to itch/touch the side of the neck. This was the start of my journey. On touching my neck just below the jaw line and toward the ear I straight away felt a lump. I stroked it and thought, that's new. It was very palpable and felt to me like the size of a grape. I never gave it much credence although I kept stroking it like some lame dog. Maybe a week passed and it remained in place so I mentioned it to Mandy who went about getting me an appointment with my GP. I do not see my GP a lot due to being a healthy sort although I did have my Cholesterol checked which gave me something to keep in mind and work on, which I was, as my diet has been modified with more exercise being taken.
As is the case with many GP appointments they are just not conducive to anybody that works due to GP system that allows for only those that can ring bang on 08:00 to get an appointment as appointments are only given for that day and not in advance. The phones were jam packed when Mandy tried so no luck on the first attempt. Mandy works full time as well so it is not easy.
That was when something really strange began to happen. I am sure lot's of people have odd things happen when life takes a sudden detour that you neither want or can change. This strange sequence of events that precluded this lumps arrival, and it all boiled down to Radio of all things.
I travel to work by car at about 07:10 and arrive at work at about 07:25. I have always listened to Radio 2 on my journey to and from work. This time frame coincided with the news that Terry Wogan would be leaving Radio 2 and Chris Evans was to replace him. Normally speaking this change would not have affected me as I am at work when the changeover at 07:30 from Sarah Kennedy to Terry Wogan occurs. This news was followed by the fact that the changeover time would be changed to 07:00! Hmm I have never been the biggest fan of Evans so I decided to have a look round the airwaves and settled on local radio and Tony Livsey.
On my journey to work back in Oct 09 I was halted in traffic which forced me to listen to the radio more than the usual auto pilot mode of listening. Well as I sat there I remember thinking it highly unusual to be in a traffic queue as traffic lights or indeed traffic is not normally encountered on this stretch of road. Normally due to the time of day and the shortness of my journey rarely gives much in the way of trouble so it was a notable encounter. Non the less the radio caught my attention as Tony was interviewing a girl of about 18 years. The station was highlighting certain diseases that were not well known. Early on the detail of the disease was not heard but for some reason I was listening when Tony asked what symptoms were ...a general feeling of unwell and a lump on the side of the neck she exclaimed!!
This was a defining moment and whilst I did not go mad with worry it became apparent that it was irresponsible to ignore the lump on my neck. The radio article continued with the words lymphoma and cancer being used to describe her condition.
Mandy kindly booked me into the doctors eventually and I was given an examination and plenty of bloods were taken. I was prescribed a 7 day course of antibiotic's and told to make an appointment in 7-8 days. As you can imagine the lump received some stroking over those 7 days with every morning hoping and wishing that the lump had gone down.....I sometimes tried to tell myself that it had but Mandy was sure it was not going down but growing slightly and changing shape.
On return to the doctors about a week later and with no decrease in the size of the lump the lovely Doc Greenwood referred me to a ENT specialist.
Mr Gordon was the man in charge of my next installment at the ENT clinic. Mandy and I were very nervous with this new step as the reality was becoming just that, real! We were called in and a quietly spoken Scottish man asked about my lifestyle, health and then where the lump was situated. After a thorough examination of the lump he then stated to my horror that he would like to put a camera down my nose and into my throat. Before I could digest this horrible thought the light was on in the camera and I was asked to say zzzeeeee as the camera went up my nasal cavity and slipped down my throat. Not a great sensation but pretty mundane. Then came the next horror show...well for me anyway...as I was told he would like to stick a needle into my neck and take o sample (fine needle biopsy) of it...yikes!! Quick as a flash it was done and again the thought was worse than the reality. I asked what he thought and then it did start to become more obvious that something was not quite right.
Mr Gordon explained that the needle never drew any fluid meaning it was not a cyst but rather something more solid. He was very very good for me as he neither overly egged his thoughts or emotions whilst at the same time got across a serious aspect to proceedings which while terrifying was quite reassuring. He stated that the sample would be sent away for analysis and he would let us know.
The possibility of this being cancer was never directly mentioned by Mr Gordon but I thought I would express my thoughts along the lines that I was aware of what this could be but yet I was hoping that like a lot of lumps this turns out to be benign.
Again I asked a few questions and explained that in approx 4 weeks we were due to go away to India for 3 weeks and at this time what were his feelings regarding cancellation. The answer was unequivocal, he pointed to the neck and stated "that is serious, it will have to come out" and followed this up with " have you got travel insurance to cover cancellation?" That was my kind of language strange as it may seem as it helped dissipate the fear of wondering.
I was told to wait for the results and another appointment was made. This was a very hard time indeed for both of us mentally and I began to have physical affects most likely due to stress or tension.
The next appointment with Mr Gordon was very emotional as it was do or well....die! The needle biopsy was inconclusive but the talk of having the lump removed was mentioned and Mr Gordon told us of a time around early to mid January. Yikes this was close to our holiday to India and it may not give me enough time to recover before we headed off on our holidays should it could back benign. On asking him how long it would take to recover from this kind of operation and reminding him of our holiday he very kindly squeezed us in on the 30th December 2010. It was strange in that room as Mandy and I both were coming to the realisation of this more and more looking like a suspicious growth.
We decided to tell family members of things as we had kept this process to ourselves up to this point. Whilst we had no official diagnosis we just knew that it was not looking to good after all the tests etc.
Telling my father about this was very hard indeed as having already lost a child I found it almost unbearable to have to give him this news. We decided to tell as many as possible as soon as so we set about telling close family. It was probably one of the worst days of our lives and it showed as we eventually became physically drained. What was surreal was experiencing the different ways people react to your news. Some are stunned, other carry on like you have told them you are having your pedicure next week and others say what became my pet hate "chin up" "keep positive" phrases that are thrown out like some autocue.
The day came for the op to remove the lump
As is the case with many GP appointments they are just not conducive to anybody that works due to GP system that allows for only those that can ring bang on 08:00 to get an appointment as appointments are only given for that day and not in advance. The phones were jam packed when Mandy tried so no luck on the first attempt. Mandy works full time as well so it is not easy.
That was when something really strange began to happen. I am sure lot's of people have odd things happen when life takes a sudden detour that you neither want or can change. This strange sequence of events that precluded this lumps arrival, and it all boiled down to Radio of all things.
I travel to work by car at about 07:10 and arrive at work at about 07:25. I have always listened to Radio 2 on my journey to and from work. This time frame coincided with the news that Terry Wogan would be leaving Radio 2 and Chris Evans was to replace him. Normally speaking this change would not have affected me as I am at work when the changeover at 07:30 from Sarah Kennedy to Terry Wogan occurs. This news was followed by the fact that the changeover time would be changed to 07:00! Hmm I have never been the biggest fan of Evans so I decided to have a look round the airwaves and settled on local radio and Tony Livsey.
On my journey to work back in Oct 09 I was halted in traffic which forced me to listen to the radio more than the usual auto pilot mode of listening. Well as I sat there I remember thinking it highly unusual to be in a traffic queue as traffic lights or indeed traffic is not normally encountered on this stretch of road. Normally due to the time of day and the shortness of my journey rarely gives much in the way of trouble so it was a notable encounter. Non the less the radio caught my attention as Tony was interviewing a girl of about 18 years. The station was highlighting certain diseases that were not well known. Early on the detail of the disease was not heard but for some reason I was listening when Tony asked what symptoms were ...a general feeling of unwell and a lump on the side of the neck she exclaimed!!
This was a defining moment and whilst I did not go mad with worry it became apparent that it was irresponsible to ignore the lump on my neck. The radio article continued with the words lymphoma and cancer being used to describe her condition.
Mandy kindly booked me into the doctors eventually and I was given an examination and plenty of bloods were taken. I was prescribed a 7 day course of antibiotic's and told to make an appointment in 7-8 days. As you can imagine the lump received some stroking over those 7 days with every morning hoping and wishing that the lump had gone down.....I sometimes tried to tell myself that it had but Mandy was sure it was not going down but growing slightly and changing shape.
On return to the doctors about a week later and with no decrease in the size of the lump the lovely Doc Greenwood referred me to a ENT specialist.
Mr Gordon was the man in charge of my next installment at the ENT clinic. Mandy and I were very nervous with this new step as the reality was becoming just that, real! We were called in and a quietly spoken Scottish man asked about my lifestyle, health and then where the lump was situated. After a thorough examination of the lump he then stated to my horror that he would like to put a camera down my nose and into my throat. Before I could digest this horrible thought the light was on in the camera and I was asked to say zzzeeeee as the camera went up my nasal cavity and slipped down my throat. Not a great sensation but pretty mundane. Then came the next horror show...well for me anyway...as I was told he would like to stick a needle into my neck and take o sample (fine needle biopsy) of it...yikes!! Quick as a flash it was done and again the thought was worse than the reality. I asked what he thought and then it did start to become more obvious that something was not quite right.
Mr Gordon explained that the needle never drew any fluid meaning it was not a cyst but rather something more solid. He was very very good for me as he neither overly egged his thoughts or emotions whilst at the same time got across a serious aspect to proceedings which while terrifying was quite reassuring. He stated that the sample would be sent away for analysis and he would let us know.
The possibility of this being cancer was never directly mentioned by Mr Gordon but I thought I would express my thoughts along the lines that I was aware of what this could be but yet I was hoping that like a lot of lumps this turns out to be benign.
Again I asked a few questions and explained that in approx 4 weeks we were due to go away to India for 3 weeks and at this time what were his feelings regarding cancellation. The answer was unequivocal, he pointed to the neck and stated "that is serious, it will have to come out" and followed this up with " have you got travel insurance to cover cancellation?" That was my kind of language strange as it may seem as it helped dissipate the fear of wondering.
I was told to wait for the results and another appointment was made. This was a very hard time indeed for both of us mentally and I began to have physical affects most likely due to stress or tension.
The next appointment with Mr Gordon was very emotional as it was do or well....die! The needle biopsy was inconclusive but the talk of having the lump removed was mentioned and Mr Gordon told us of a time around early to mid January. Yikes this was close to our holiday to India and it may not give me enough time to recover before we headed off on our holidays should it could back benign. On asking him how long it would take to recover from this kind of operation and reminding him of our holiday he very kindly squeezed us in on the 30th December 2010. It was strange in that room as Mandy and I both were coming to the realisation of this more and more looking like a suspicious growth.
We decided to tell family members of things as we had kept this process to ourselves up to this point. Whilst we had no official diagnosis we just knew that it was not looking to good after all the tests etc.
Telling my father about this was very hard indeed as having already lost a child I found it almost unbearable to have to give him this news. We decided to tell as many as possible as soon as so we set about telling close family. It was probably one of the worst days of our lives and it showed as we eventually became physically drained. What was surreal was experiencing the different ways people react to your news. Some are stunned, other carry on like you have told them you are having your pedicure next week and others say what became my pet hate "chin up" "keep positive" phrases that are thrown out like some autocue.
The day came for the op to remove the lump